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Snitch Glitch
Ella’s older brother, Alex, is a senior and star of the high school basketball team. Though their parents have pretty lenient rules for the most part, there are a few things that Alex has been forbidden to do. In fact, Alex has gotten into heated arguments with his dad because he feels he’s the only guy on the team who isn’t allowed to go to parties when adults aren’t present. Ella is friends on Facebook with Alex’s girlfriend, Madison, and one day while looking through Madison’s online photo albums, Ella stumbles across pictures of Alex at a notorious party everyone at school had heard about for its lack of parental supervision and the crazy stuff that went on. Ella is shocked, disappointed in her big brother, and unsure of what to do. Her dad doesn’t like tattling, but he told Alex there would be severe consequences if he broke this rule. What should Ella do?
Ella is in a tough situation. She has several options, each having different consequences and possible outcomes. First, she could ignore the situation, which would definitely be the easiest approach, since it doesn’t create any conflict. She stays friends with Madison, and Alex doesn’t hate her for being a snitch. However, this also ignores the possible problems that lurk for Alex if he keeps going down a path that includes wild parties. Kids who get involved in alcohol-fueled parties can start making other stupid decisions such as drinking while driving, having sex (especially without protection), shifting their priorities away from school, or trying other drugs.
Second, Ella could confront Alex or Madison, but this approach also has benefits and risks. On the plus side, talking with one or both of them keeps adults out of the picture, thereby preserving Ella’s loyalty to Alex and Madison. It might get Alex to think about his behavior and the possible consequences. She could remind him that a lot of people already know about the party and that their parents are likely to find out about it one way or the other. She could encourage him to tell his parents before they find out from someone else, thereby showing his responsibility and remorse. However, depending on their relationship, this approach could also backfire—Alex and Madison could get angry with Ella for bringing the issue up, trash her reputation, or dump her off their Facebook pages.
Third, Ella could tell her parents about the party. This approach keeps Alex accountable for his behaviors, and a punishment might shake him up and help him see that dishonesty and poor choices have consequences. On the other hand, Alex is a senior and will soon be considered an adult. Attempts by his parents to crack down on him might make him more rebellious or secretive in the future, thus creating even more problems.
Perhaps Ella’s best solution is to talk with another adult that Alex likes and respects, such as a favorite teacher or family friend. It might even be possible to find a responsible friend in Alex’s class who can set a good example and relate to Alex’s situation. Such people may be able to influence Alex in a positive way that he can respect without coming across as moralistic or angry. Although Alex is growing old enough to make many of his own decisions, he still needs guidance on how his short-term choices could affect his future. By following this approach, Ella stays accountable to her brother’s best interests while still keeping Alex and Madison’s trust.
All ethical situations have trade-offs, and most real-life problems don’t get tied up neatly like you see in a half-hour Disney sitcom. In the end, each person needs to find a solution that best fits that situation and relationship, but does it in a way that stays true to what’s right. That approach is never easy, but usually results in a solution that is balanced and wise.
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Curt VanderWaal, M.S.W., Ph.D., is chair and professor of social work at Andrews University, where he has taught since 1990. He is also associate director of the Center for Policy Research at the Institute for Prevention of Addictions. He teaches classes in drug and alcohol addiction and treatment, group therapy, and values and ethics.
Curt likes travel, skiing, basketball, photography, canoeing, and eating Thai and Indian food. He knows an insane number of pirate jokes, checks e-mail obsessively, and hates squash. |
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