You’re probably feeling really annoyed and even hurt that Nate didn’t seem to remember your canoeing trip. You may even feel like getting angry at him, but blowing up at Nate won’t solve the problem—it may even make it worse. You don’t seem to be as outgoing as Nate is, so maybe you’re even a little jealous that Nate can make friends so easily. It’s likely that some of the qualities that you find appealing in Nate are also qualities that others like as well. People probably enjoy being around him because he’s outgoing and interesting, and enjoys other people’s company.
 

But it’s also important to recognize that you are different from Nate in some ways. He’s outgoing, while you’re more reserved. While Nate loves big groups, being around crowds of people you don’t know well is uncomfortable and stressful. Nate needs to understand that it’s just not fun for you the way it is for him. But how do you take charge of the situation and tell him that without blowing your cool and telling him to go take a hike?
 

First, start by affirming his good points. Try something like “Nate, I love how you are so comfortable with other people, and I know you really enjoy doing things in groups.” When people feel appreciated, they are likely to listen more carefully to what you have to say. Second, remind him of your plans. Say something like “Do you remember that we decided we were going canoeing together on the same day the Backpacker Club is climbing Triple Rock?” At this point he may say something about how he figured that you wouldn’t mind and that it really does sound like fun.
 

At this point it’s important to tell him how you feel. You could reply, “It may be fun for you, but I feel really frustrated when you change our plans without even talking to me first. It makes me feel like you don’t really care about our canoeing plans and think that your plans are the only ones that matter.” Gently let Nate know that you’re not trying to control his life, but that you want him to talk with you before he makes decisions that affect both of you. Nate might feel a little hurt at first, but if he cares about your relationship, he’ll work on changing his actions to consider your feelings and wishes. He may not always get it right at first, but if you keep reminding him of your feelings, he’ll learn to check in with you before he locks in any new plans that involve the two of you.